The rocky ships of relations…

If life is the sea, then the relations we make are the ships on which we travel this vast blueness. Sometimes an awe inspiring experience, sometimes stormy. I blog today with exasperation, because I cannot grasp the mindset of some people with whom I am relations with. People sometimes fill me with immense humanness like the nectar of joy, while other times they leave me empty….just that..empty….

I feel empty today, disconnected, kept aside, unbothered with, left out, forgotten…

Did they forget my existence or did they remember me but did not speak it among themselves? Is it they left me out because I am new? They unbothered with me due to the hassle of arrangements? The kept me aside for their convenience? They feel as disconnected with me as I am of them?

I dislike this disconnection. I do not know if I am to feel this way or if its just my imagination. But I am hurt all the same, because I hurt easily. I long for the closeness that I see between them. But I am not among them so I am apart.

I wish I could call them my own,
But your own sometime can forget you

Did you remember me when all this was happening? Did you contemplate how I would feel not knowing?

Thank you for leaving me out,

I think I found out that the only ones I can call my own are the ones I was born into….

Tis’ the season of hunger

Those of you who have Muslim friends will probably know that the month of Ramadhan has started. This is the month of the Islamic calendar that Muslims fast from dawn to dusk, without food or drink. In Nepal that means, we get up at 3:00 am and have our pre-dawn meal, stop eating from the advent of sunrise (around 4:20am) fast the whole day, then break fast after sunset at around 6 pm. For Muslims this is a special month, one we believe with tremendous blessing and reward. East prayer in ordinary time, is rewarded manifold during Ramadhan and every act of kindness and worship is blessed.

So why do Muslims fast you may wonder? Why not even a sip of water? Because the very core of Ramadhan is for the fasting person to witness hunger and thirst. In ordinary times, hunger may approach us but we know food is a decision away, during Ramadhan, one takes away that choice from oneself to witness the pangs of hunger and the depth of thirst that people all over the world feel during ordinary times. The Muslim believes that every hunger pang and every aching thirst will be rewarded by our Lord. Muslims abstain from hurting anyone through speech or otherwise, and are highly conscious about every action and every word we speak. In Ramadhan nights, the devout Muslim spends time in prayer and worship, contemplating of the glory of creation and thanking God for what he/she has been gifted with.

On the personal level, I love Ramadhan. I find my body and mind more attuned because the thought of food is no more. For once I do not have to think about my next meal (at college what to eat or at work where to eat from next or at other times how much to eat). I feel light… the stuffed or gluttenish feeling of eating to fill the stomach is no more. While food is to for the body, fasting is for the soul. It’s cleansing, to be deeply connected to the way your body responds to lack of food.

Boring Dasains

Today is already ashoj 5th, 2064 and Dasain is three weeks away. Why I wanted to write about Dasain is that it has lost its charm.There is no excitement and interesting indicators except for marked holidays in our college planner. This is the only factor that reminds me that Dasain is coming. The weather is so freaking. It is either extremely hot or extreme raining. There is no cool breeze with clear sky. The shops are crowded but the crowd is not special. The crowd in Kathmandu is not an uncommon sight to see.

When I was a child I used to be so happy when Dasain holidays used to approach. There would be holiday assignments but they didn’t me bother much. I used to be excited about the feasts I would be having, relatives I would be meeting, games that I would be playing with my cousins and of course new dress and money that I would be getting. That used to be total fun. The best game was Langur burja. As time passed by, our joint family converted into nuclear families. A few years even after that, we celebrated Dasain together but my cousins started getting married and only two families used to celebrate Dasain together. That also used to be fun because all of us ate together, played cards together, prepared dish together. But now Dasain has become boring holidays for me. Most of my cousins are either married or have gone to US for their studies. My mom and dad are not that interested to play cards. We are just four in family and it is not interesting to play cards and Langur burja. My mom has her own obligations. It has been two three years that I have not enjoyed Dasain as before. There are no kites in the sky. Earlier, one to two months before Dasain, children after coming from their schools used to go to the terrace to fly kites but these days, perhaps, children are too busy doing their homework and playing computer games.

For me Dasain has lost its charm. There is some kind of emptiness. There are so many of political problems. Most of the Nepalis are worried whether there will be constituent assembly or no. A new dimension has added in Terai issues . The weather is also not soothing. This year, I am expecting in Dasain is to buy clothes, get money in Tika from elders and do our college assignments. I and not excited that I will be meeting my relatives or something. I think loads of assignments have also contributed to less “charm ness” of Dasain. Dasain holidays are given to relax, enjoy and to have absolute fun but we are loaded with assignments. It sucks.

Anyways, I wish HAPPY DASAIN to all in advance. ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!

Radiance

The Emancipation of blogbhoots

Alright alright!! Its been 3 months since the last entry and we are deeply apologetic. We da Blogbhoots would love to think that we have been missed, but erm…maybe not. I asked my ship mates to give their excuses, MizBold has none, I had sheer busy “ness” and Rad’s one was “we were recharging our batteries” ahem.

I believe with 3 very deep and committed talks from all parties, that we shall NOW make effort to revive this deeply slumbering blog into one that is alive and kickin, so bear with us while we replug our fully charged batteries back into our intellect. We begin by changing our entire background and page setup into one that is red and black! hope u like it coz i really do!

The one thing that got me recharged and I should say that provided me with the deeply needed inspiration which is very lacking in this world, was Arundhati Roys collection of write ups “An ordinary persons guide to empire” which is getting me into tears, cynical laughter and a whole load of burden. Burden why u may ask? I feel now that I am burdened with information from her book, with so much of truth about the world, that I feel guilty being so immobile and inactive with the information.

I feel like I need to act on the information. I need to use what little skill i may have to pass on the information, to analyse it and link it to each and every one of our lives. Coz the truth about the world affects every one of us….

yes I do have a book review coming up, but prolly before that my shipmates will share their experience with a very intriguing drama that they saw…

Welcome back to our blog and if its ur first time here…we hope u come back for more!!

Regards

Hayah