I love you too Edward…

Ok Ok. I resign. I resign to this seemingly increasing yearning for the existance of an Edward Cullen in my life. Wow! I am just wondering, if I should order a custom made Edward from Stepanie Meyer herself, as she is the creater of this Man. Or should I not be saying that?

For those idiots who have no clue who Edward Cullen is…..WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU? HIBERNATING?? ok. Control, control. After all, if Edward could have so much self control then I should be able to try. There is this part of me, the critique, the ‘intelligent’ part, that wants to do a full on critical review of Twilight and New Moon, the concept and Meyer’s writing. But the part of me, who is yearning for the existance of an Edward Cullen in my life,  has knocked the other side out cold. So I will babble on….

The logic? Edward is too unreal to be a Man, you dont get men like him, men like him are not men, therefore they are vampires. haha. Never ever knew the concept of vampires would one day intrigue me so much. Ofcourse with so many women loving Edward, no wonder Bella has latched on to him and claimed him for eternity. *sigh* …all the good men are taken….whats new.

Its not Robert Pattison that I am attracted to, Robert does not look so good in real life as he does in the movie. Its this ‘concept’ and ‘character’ called Edward Cullen. Its this type of attachment, the possibility of the existence and depth of such love, the possibility of the existance of such a man who can cause and fuel such love.

Its unreal, I have no right to hope for such a thing. Its impossible. Such love is just NOT possible.  Such a man just dosen’t exist. And especially NOT for me. *sigggggggggggggggggggghhhhhh*.

But still……..there is that tiny tiny tiny tinnnnnnnnnnnnnnny flame of hope…..in the deepest chamber of my blood red heart……..                                                   

A different man

Barack Obama IS a different man. Watching his inauguration yesterday was proof enough. Its not about him. Its about the feelings he has stirred in people, the emotions he has caused even the most emotionless to have, the tears of not sadness but the possibility of the ease of sadness, the joy and celebration not only for the end of a ruthless Bush regime but for the beginning of the chance to dream.

 

Obama as an individual is just an ordinary man, with an extraordinary gift, but more than anything he is sincere and the sincerity shines through him and what he says and it shines through the faces of his humble family.

 

I have no idea if he can fulfill all the hopes and possibilities that he has created in the world today, but I am sure he will try his best, and that’s good enough in a world in which leaders dont even try to lead. Obama is not a hero, but he is as close to a great leader simply for what he has achieved so far. For when it comes to his campaign and his victory, even on inauguration day Obama has achieved more than any other modern day leader has achieved and he has proven that one man CAN make a difference.

Whatever he may or may not do, one thing is certain, he will try and bring out the best in people, for him peace will come before war and family before fortune. He has come with a belief that he can make a difference and this belief will be enough to shine through his actions. He may not change the world, nor heal it, nor end all suffering, but he has already brought so much hope to  hopeless hearts and smiles on faces weighed down by grief and caused people busy with their lives to stop and listen and think beyond themselves.

 

This is what our generation has been waiting for, this is the type of leader we all dream of following, but his actions will not be fulfilled untill we the people act ourselves.

 

The American people have proven their cause, now its time for the rest of us around the world to hope for something bigger and better, to hope that for us too ….one day…change will come…one person at a time…

Freedom is not free

I realize it last week, when I checked out the prices of the so-called “cheapest” cars in Sri Lanka.  I realized that this Sunday, while talking to my lawyer. I realized it yesterday, while forgetting to call home and inform my family that I was getting late. I realize it today, as I recuperate from  serious yet kind glances from my collegues.  So what does it take?  To be a free woman? We have so many strings attached, no matter how far we may run or how invisible we may make ourselves. There is always someone concerned, someone worried,  someone loving, someone waiting for you to come home, for you to come online, for you to text or call.

I know no man is an island, but its nice if part of you was an Island and part of you were landlocked. I am partially so, yet, I know, freedom for me means being dependant on noone but God, for though him comes loves, joy, food, shelter, sadness, friends, family and life itself. To Him I owe my whole dependance. For independance is His to give.

You feel sorry for me?

YOU feel sorry for me? Well, firstly its nice to know you’re feeling something. Your behaviour the past few months has left an image of a inhuman feelingless monster in my mind. You ‘feeling’ something means part of you is still human. Maybe feeling sorry for me is your way of covering up the self injured little creature you’ve made yourself into.

Why feel sorry for me? Coz I escaped you? I escaped the pain you put me through? Coz I raised my voice and screamed against the injustice? Coz I fell into helpless begging only to stand up stronger than you? Coz I am in my own element now without you? Coz the God that you and I believe in, has given me more now than all that you took away or could ever give me? Coz I choose to guard my family, THE family who sheltered, clothed, took care of and moulded me into the person God wanted over you who wanted to chain me?

You’re sorry for me coz I am free now?

or coz I have more to look forward to in this life and in the hereafter than you could imagine ?

You’re kidding  yourself and you know it.

And because you know it, you’re hurting.

I dont feel sorry for you. Instead I hope that your self-hurt will turn to realization and that realization will become your strength someday.

And I hope that you will never do what you did to me….to any other human being on this Earth.