Gold Digg entry 1: Apathy

Dated: Sometime in March 2006


We move through each day like a dream don’t we? In the past 5 days more than a 100 people have died just out of the barrel of a gun. Unnecessary death. Regardless of who they are, Maoist, civilians, armed forces, they are the breathen of the poorest of the poor – rooted in a bloody war that shouldn’t be fought in the first place.

Most of the 100 dead are young men, leaving behind young wives, perhaps some pregnant, and their very young children. And you and I sitting where we are sitting, writing or reading the words before us on the screen, wired into the internet, so called modern technology – unaffected by pain, grief or sorrow. How startlingly different our lives are.

I know, I am full of cynisism today, more for myself than for anyone else, but I cant help it. We glimpse the lives of those around us as on TV, or as we glance through the newspapers, but we never, nearly never stop and think why what is happening is happening. We never ever think of what we can do to stop it. Once our eyes have glanced through their lives in mere seconds, we return to our own comfortable worlds.

Do we fear pain?

Do we fear grief?

I know I do. Maybe that is precisely why I rarely look at CNN anymore, maybe thats why I rarely read the details of black on white print below the headlines. Maybe we have got so accustomed to looking away  that it almost angers us to look back. We all seek to run away from life’s troubles at the earliest – we love fun and laughter and joy. With what are we comparing “joy” to? Most often with someone else’s pain. Everything is defined after comparison – everything is relative to something else.

Every feeling within us knows no definition other than our own.


Disclaimer: This was a rambling of Hayah’s younger self. Although the views expressed above may have contributed to her perspectives on things today, these views and perspectives may no longer be the same, thus don’t judge. Yet.


2 thoughts on “Gold Digg entry 1: Apathy

  1. Welcome back! I thoroughly enjoyed the discovery 🙂 I think the things we wrote in the past is the best witness to our captures the essence of the people we were like nothing else. don’t you think so? those were the times we constantly questioned everything hai, most of all why we were the ‘people’ we were.and its sad to come to terms with the fact that we have lost that spark we had in both our personalities and writings back then..the fact that we can’t write with such candor now.I came across this old entry on rape yesterday and realized that my writing doesn’t have the ‘sting’ it had during my earlier blogging days either…there are so many things that bother me while writing these days which I just didn’t give a rat’s ass to earlier. like if I am politically correct or not, the fear of sounding foolish, being rash and wondering if I am acting my age or not!! gawwd. its so frustrating to write with all that in mind..and I guess its all my fault . letting myself be ruled by mundane things other than the most important act of just freeing my mind. anonymity rocked but that’s a poor excuse,need to pull myself out of this ‘writing drought’! I hope you are in a better state of affairs.
    Thanks for putting up this entry once again. felt so good to talk about it, and the credit goes to the good friend who published something from the our heydays! 🙂

  2. I know exactly what you mean!! But Daz..hats off to you for being able to retain that fire and continue blogging and writing…I had actually ‘given up”. We have deffa lost the spark and the ‘sting’ but perhaps we have evolved in terms of writing more diplomatically or in being politically correct cos we are so damn concerned about what people think of us thru our writing. The problem is that we are judging OURSELVES more and reading what we write thru other’s eyes.

    Also I suppose coz we can no longer say we have ‘nothing to lose’ coz maybe we do 😦 or at least we think we do.

    What I would really wish for is to live and love and write and blog with the attitude that I dont give a DANG about what others thought 🙂 so here is wishing the ‘sting’ and ‘spark’ back into our lives!! (a tad more grammatically and politically correct perhaps?) 😀

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